well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Randomize
