mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
you traded sex for a burrito?
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Randomize
