I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Randomize