glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Randomize
