Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
This is my gift to your gina
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
