she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
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