Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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