Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
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