i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
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