I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
