I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
