; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
We have so much sex to catch up on
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Randomize
