she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Boobs speak an international language.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Randomize
