The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
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