Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Randomize
