he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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