She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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