just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Randomize
