I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
