isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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