Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
Randomize
