Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
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I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
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I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
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