You just made me feel so damn special
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
