He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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