just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
