New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Randomize
