jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Randomize
