I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
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