yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Randomize
