so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
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I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
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My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
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