Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Randomize
