I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Randomize
