I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
