I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
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