i don't like sucking hair
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
