So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Liz is crying about burritos again.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
