FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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