Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
