you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
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