well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
