I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
