A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
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