there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
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