Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
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