Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
