She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Randomize
