I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Randomize
