I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
