Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Randomize
