She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
