i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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