Just fell off a train. Bad.
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
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She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
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my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Come on in and take your pants off
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