Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
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