I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
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