he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
