life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
