We're facebook friends in real life
Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
Randomize
