Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
what day is it and did you see me today?
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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