too bad you live with your parents still
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
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