My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
