There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Randomize
