when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
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