I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
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