Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
