i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
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