I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
I'm gonna fight the coyote
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
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