Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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