how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
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i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
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And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
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