i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
