dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
