If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Randomize
