When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
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