last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
he fucked my hip out of place.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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